Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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