All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
