i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
