mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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