Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize