A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
