He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
