Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
