I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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