with your own penis?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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