You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
