i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
