dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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