Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
