I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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