Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have feelings that need drinking.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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