so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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