remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
