Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
