I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
