Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
