I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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