What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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