those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
