I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
