Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
