dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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