So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
