Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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