update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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