She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
