1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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