you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize