i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
