just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am spending my child support on dildos
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
