If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
