I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
