she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
