covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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