I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
