A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
