i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You can't motorboat a personality
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
