Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
