I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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