Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
