There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
