Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
