Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
