the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
