You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
