so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
