how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
