I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
