i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
