She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
