Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize