Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
