My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
