If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
