It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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