Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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