I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
