booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
