It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
