Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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