look no pants
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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