Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
