he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize