end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what day is it and did you see me today?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
