absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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