You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
