Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
