Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry about my life...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
