I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
