Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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