??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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