remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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