Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
