I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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