Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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