good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
