she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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