The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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