Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
