I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
