2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
