Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
