btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
