I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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