why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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