You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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