i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
