I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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