Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
